"What if I was just happy?"

I remember driving in our car, the place we were going I have no idea, but I remember that the weight of my little son's Cri du Chat diagnosis was so heavy. It painted every moment of my day. The negative language that I had read in my research swirled in my head non-stop and would make me break down in tears at any given moment. I would think about him at 5, 15, 35 and the fear of what the future would hold consumed me in a whirl of sadness and fear and then, of course, guilt for having those feelings in the first place. In the car ride, it had gotten to a point where I thought "This is such a terrible feeling and I don't want to feel it anymore". A little voice came from somewhere and said "What if I was just happy?". Happy. Me? Really? It's like I realized in that moment that I didn't think I could be happy again. I turned in my seat and saw my two beautiful, perfect, amazing children, not for the first time, but for the first time through the filter of just "being happy". It was a tiny voice, a tiny thought, but it broke through the dark thoughts and planted a little seed for who I wanted to choose to be. 


I say the word "choose" very intentionally because I feel that given any number of situations in our lives we have the power to CHOOSE how to feel, how to think, how to be. In that little moment in the car, I knew that my answer was to choose to focus on my son and how amazing, sweet and curious he is versus focusing on any number of the fictional thoughts of the future that were created in fear. I decided to let go of the negative words and fill my head with the positives, the happiness, the pride I felt in him every day. That is not to say that I don't have feelings of fear or worry, but when I do, I choose to summon all those positive thoughts that easily overshadow the fear. As time goes on, it gets easier and easier to do.

That moment in my car, driving to nowhere in particular, was a turning point for me and that question "What if I was just happy?" sits with me and allows me to focus on the life I want to create for myself, for my family and for our future.

Love and light,

Leah